Let's Talk About Sex

"Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be...."

Okay, so I'm not really going to talk about sex.....much like most people in the world today. In today's society sex has become a taboo topic. It's like the Voldemort of conversations....the conversation that shall not be had. Well, I was lucky in that my parent were always very open and honest, although I have to admit I mostly went to my older sister when I needed advice or wanted to ask questions relating to sex. Despite society's negative views of sex, I sincerely hope the tides are beginning to change.

I had the opportunity to attend and volunteer for the 35^th annual Brown Symposium titled Sex Talk – A Symposium with benefits. I was fortunate enough to attend all talks as well as the panel discussion. Below are my reflections for each speaker.

*I would like to note that I have attempted to remove as much of my normal sass and sarcasm in attempts to give an honest and sincere reflection of the speakers*

"Sex and Religion: What's the Connection?" - Reverend Debra Haffner

When I first saw that I would be listening to a reverend talk about sex, I thought I was in for a boring, very conservative religious lecture. However, after just the first five minutes I was interested and intrigued by Rev. Haffner’s speech. I liked how she introduced her beliefs as a common morality between religion and sex. I believe this duality is a very good view because, as far back as I can remember I feel as though religions have only attached shame to sex rather than talking about sex in an understanding and nonthreatening manner. Moreover, I especially liked how the Rev. pointed out the contradictions that exist between what is socially accepted/practiced and what the bible scripture says. Specifically Rev. Haffner, in attempts to rectify these preconceived notions of bible scripture containing anti-gay messages (i.e., thus helping to bridge the religious impasse she mentioned), recited scripture that supports the notion that the bible does not just see marriage and something existing between just a man and women or for procreation.

It was not only interesting that the Rev. mentioned bible scripture that challenged preconceived notions of anti-gay messages within the bible, but I think it was moving when the Rev. mentioned Jesus. She posed the question of ‘what would Jesus do about gay people?’ She then went on to answer that if he were here, he would love and welcome them just as he does everyone else. This was one of the most moving and compelling statements the Rev. made because I have always seen Jesus as one of the most hypocritical notions within the bible. Jesus, as well as G-d, is said to love and accept everyone, even with their flaws, however LBGTQ individuals are the exception. This notion has always baffled me. This hypocrisy was further underscored with the notion that within the bible polygamy was widely practiced (Isaac is the exception) in contrast to monogamy, however we do not socially accept such relationships – thus interestingly showing how sexuality and sex is embraced within religious scripture. Overall I thought the Rev. was able to preach and support the connection between religion and morality about sex in one of the best ways I have seen yet. She ended her talk with the notion that the sin it’s homosexuality, but homophobia. This was such a compelling statement especially coming from a reverend. I think the Rev. was a well-spoken, knowledgeable individual that I would gladly see again.

"Inter(dis)course: A Q&A on Sex and Politics" - Dan Savage 

After going to the Dan Savage Q&A, I was reassured in my original notion that Dan Savage is a passionate, funny, and well-spoken individual. Even though Dan Savage did not give a speech, but rather chose to conduct his talk during the symposium in a question and answer formation. Without even knowing the questions beforehand Dan Savage was able to eloquently answer any question thrown his way (even ones by the audience that were more of an attack rather than an actual question). The humor Dan Savage adds is what I truly think makes him a wonderful speaker. One of his best statements was when he gave his opinions on the Texas government. “Yeah they want small government...government small enough to fit in your vagina.” One of my other favorite statements Dan Savage made was, “Homophobia is misogyny’s little brother.”  This was something that completely made sense once he said it, but was something I had never thought about.
Dan Savage was also very well spoken on his and his husbands “It Gets Better Project”. He spoke about the project best when he said that it was for the children that needed help – even if the children’s parents did not want them to hear it. As Dan Savage recounted stories of the people who spoke to the necessity and importance of the “It Gets Better” project, I was almost brought to tears just as he was. It was a very emotional and moving topic. When he told of the young woman who wrote, “I love my parents for who they will be in 10 years” which prompted Dan Savage to start using the phrase, “I’m going to talk to your kids whether you realize you want me to or not”, I imminently wanted to do anything and everything I could to help his project. After hearing Dan Savage speak I don’t understand how people can see homosexuality as a choice or something that needs to be changed. I was truly engaged and moved by his talk. 

"Sexuality Education from Birth to Death" - Pam Wilson

After hearing the first two speakers talk at the symposium, I though to myself it is going to be very hard to top the last two talks, however I was wrong. Pam Wilson, although she took a more academic approach to talking about sex, was just as interesting as Dan Savage and Reverend Haffner. I think she was one hundred percent correct in saying that in the past we have been shamed when it comes to talking about sex. We have negative attitudes attached to the sheer notion of talking about sex. Although my mother never went as far as to tell me that I needed to wear undergarments at all times, even to bed, there were still some things that were not to be discussed about sex. I like when Pam said that we are sexual beings from birth to death and that we should be aware of this when talking about the subject of sex.

            One of the most interesting parts of Pam Wilson’s talk was the circles of sexuality. I had never heard of these circles before. The circles were broken into sensuality, intimacy, sexual health and reproduction, sexual identity, and sexualization. I had never thought of operationalizing the term sex into categories such as these. However, as she was explaining them, it all made sense to me and I thought it was a great way of structuring how we think and talk about sex. Although this was a more academic approach to talking about sex thus far in the symposium, I thought it was just as entertaining and interesting as the two previous speeches. 

"Sex the American Way: 10 Key Findings from Sex Research" - Debby Hernerick 

When I first heard that the Brown Symposium was going to be about sex, I thought I was going to hear a lot more of the anatomical sex terms than I had heard up until the last presenter (with the exception of the private Dan Savage Q&A). I thought the research that Debby Herbenick presented was very interesting. The ten key findings from sex research were tings that I wish I could have studied about in research methods (although I know the IRB would not have approved). I was shocked that some of the most avid condom users were younger individuals and that as age increases condom use decreases. I would have never thought fourteen year olds that are having sex would use condoms. Additionally, I was so shocked and interested in the fact that respondents reported orgasms when exercising. I’m sure that if we could figure out why this was occurring, more individuals would exercise.

            Despite these interesting findings I think one of the best parts of he talk was when she showed individuals responses to the statement ‘our favorite things about sex’. Although, as expected, there were drastically different responses between men and women, some of the responses were both sweet and funny. I think one of my favorite responses was something to the effect of I like have sex when the baby finally goes to sleep, I’m finally getting back at that cockblocker. I almost died laughing at that response. I was saddened at the finding that many women still feel compelled to have sex out of marital obligation, however I hope this notion changes soon. I cannot wait to see what research Debby Herbenick does next.

Panel Discussion 

After listening to all of the talks, it was hard for me to think of anything else the speakers had left to say. However, I think Dr. Nenga did a wonderful job of moderating the panel and asking new questions. I liked how although each of the speakers had very different expertise or focuses concerning the topic of sex, when it came time to answer the questions, they were all in agreement with their answers. I thought getting the three different speakers opinions on each question was very interesting. I wish there had been more time for audience questions but overall the panel discussion was very informative and only added to how wonderful the Sex Talk Symposium was.

            I could not help but laugh when I heard my friend say she felt bad for the first-years. She said this was an awesome symposium that would not easily be toped and it was our last symposium as students, while the first-years will only be disappointed by future symposiums. After attending every brown symposium since my freshman year, I can honestly say this was the most interesting symposium I attended.

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Bicht Hunter (June 19, 2007). Salt N Pepa - Let'S Talk About Sex (The Original). Retrieved January 30, 2013, from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzfo4txaQJA