I decided to be a different person for a day.
That is, I chose to accomplish my daily activities or tasks in a ‘non-normal
way’ with respect to my normal way of acting or behaving. Specifically, as a high self-monitor I am very
concerned with what others think and how they perceive me (Snyder, 1987). In
line with this notion and the fact that I grew up with two sisters, I am very
conscious of asking permission for everything I do – I try to appease others
more than myself in addition to being VERY indecisive. With this notion in mind
I decided to be a different person for a day with the main goal of doing
whatever I wanted without asking permission (i.e., making decisions based on my
own happiness) as well as being decisive. I generally tend to be overly conscious
about gaining others approval before I complete any task. To this point, I have
even had many friends tell me to STOP asking for permission for everything,
it’s unnecessary and they ask me to not always state ‘I don’t care’; however,
in my mind asking permission is a behavior that I see as being polite – I
rather see others happy, especially if it deals with something that isn’t
particular important to me or is not part of my self-schema (Markus, 1977). With all these ideas or notions taken into account, I thus
chose to be more decisive and to not ask for permission in my task of becoming
or acting like a different person for a day.
I went throughout my day completing
or doing anything I wanted without asking the permission of others. My day of
being a different person started when I first woke up (i.e., with breakfast). I
heard my roommate in the kitchen so I got out of bed and opened my door, went
to the stove and just had some of the eggs she had been making (without
permission). To this ‘sharing’ of breakfast I was met with a look of shock and
misunderstanding by my roommate followed by an approving nonverbal behavior, a head nod, at first made with
hesitation (Darwin, 1872). I subsequently went through my day doing things
without asking for permission. I took food off of my friends plate at lunch
because I wanted to taste it – after choosing where we were going to eat
(without debate), I took a soda out of my friends frig because I was thirsty, I
changed they way I interacted/texted with my friends, acting in a more decisive
manner (I didn’t leave things open to interpretation, I made a decision and it
was what I wanted without permission or debate). I even went as far as to just walk
inside a friend of a friend’s apartment (whom I had never met) to use the
restroom – without permission- while we were all standing outside talking
before going to dinner. Nobody seemed phased at the specific act; they were
more surprised that I didn’t ask for permission like I normally do. The next
day when I asked if they thought it was weird that I didn’t ask permission, my
friends just responded with, “yes, because it’s you, but you had to go to the
bathroom.”
Doing this all day was difficult to
say the least. I have learned in class that I am a people pleaser. I rather see
others happy instead of myself, because I don’t like to be the center of
attention for fear of disappointing others. I rather be a bystander and go
along with my friends instead of leading them. Changing this part of myself
even for 24 hours was very difficult, I had to keep reminding myself that I
needed to stay strong and follow through with being decisive and non-appeasing
for a day.
The reactions I got were very similar to that of my roommate
with respect to breakfast. My actions were met with shock initially, followed
by smiles and numerous questions asking about what had changed that caused me
to become firmer in the convictions of my actions. I had to just tell them that
I was having a super confident day – for fear of spilling the secret that it
was ALL a social experiment. When I saw the opportunity to do something without
permission or make a decision I was initially scared. I had a knot in my
stomach and felt like the social
spotlight was on full blast (Gilovich, Medvec, & Savitsky, 2000). Doing my best to
put my fear behind me, I completed the task while still shaking from nerves. Upon
completion of my ‘deviant’ behavior (deviant for me) I felt at ease again – my
nerves had subsided. However, as the day progressed the anxiety and fear seemed
to fade away, and it became easier to complete the task at hand. Part of this
was due to, I think, the facial
feedback hypothesis, which states that changes in facial expression
can, additionally, lead to changes in emotion (Laird, 1974). I went through the
day telling myself to smile and hold positive facial expressions while changing
my behavior which in turn helped change my nervous emotions I initially held
toward not asking for permission and being decisive.
From this experience, I learned a
lot about myself. I learned that I have a public
self-consciousness (Buss, 1980; Fenigstein, Scheier & Buss 1975). I
tend to think of myself in terms of how others perceive me and as such, I want
them to perceive me as somebody who not only has shared interests, but who also
is willing to sacrifice their own happiness in order to make them and others
happy. Through this process I have learned the true motives for my behavior. I
used to try to conform to
others because I thought it was what made them happy (Milgram, 1963). Contrary
to this initial thought, I found that my friends would rather I stand-up for
myself and show others that I care and can be decisive rather than just behave
in ways that are consistent with everyone else. I only disliked this change in
my behavior because it was inconsistent with my normal self (i.e., it make me
uncomfortable at first). However, after receiving positive feedback, following
the initial surprise reaction of my friends I realized that this change in
behavior might not be so bad after all.
I would consider making long-term changes to this behavior or trait. I
don’t think it will be an immediate change, but a gradual change is something
that I would very much embrace and strive toward.
What I learned about my self-presentation, in line with
its definition, is that I do like and want others to like me (Schlenker,
2003). However, I originally
thought that others (i.e., my friends and those I am close with) would rather
me conform to them rather
that I stand up for myself, be decisive, and not have to ask for permission for
everything I do (Milgram, 1963). Through being a different person for a day, I
learned that rather than being an ‘indecisive pushover’, for a lack of better
words, others would rather I do things for myself and not be so worried about
what they and others think. I believe this attribute within myself is something
that has been relatively stable up until this point – because I hope to change
it for the future. I think this notion, in turn, says a lot about my self-concept (Markus, 1977). Markus
(1977) asserted that our self-concept
is basically the notion that we form beliefs about our attributes through past
experiences, memories, and the interactions we have with others. Specifically,
for me, I think having grown up with two VERY outgoing, social, stubborn, and
overbearing siblings I learned that it was easiest and best to go with what
others want rather than making it more difficult by brining up my own wants –
especially when the matter was not very important to me. Moreover, I think that
I have been instilled with manners and respect towards others from my family
growing up to the point it still has a hold on my behavior as an adult, thus
playing an important part in forming my self-concept
(Markus, 1977). Being a different person for a day has changed the way I look
at myself for the better. I hope to change and be more like this ‘different’
person I portrayed for those 24 hours.
(n=1,406)
(n=1,406)
**Just for entertainment purposes**
Buss, A. H. (1980). Self-consciousness
and social anxiety. San Francisco: Freeman.
Darwin,
C. The expression of the emotions in man
and animals. London: John Murray.
Fenigstein,
A., Scheier, M.F., & Buss, A. H. (1975). Public and private
self-consciousness: Assessment and theory. Journal
of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 43, 522-527.
Gilovich,
T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. (2000). The spotlight effect in social
judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions
and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 211-222.
Laird,
J.D. (1974). Self-attribution of emotion: The effects of expressive behavior on
the quality of emotional appearance. Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, 29, 475-486.
Markus,
H. (1977). Self-schemata and processing information about the self. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 35, 63-78.
Milgram,
S. (1963). Behavioral study of obedience. Journal
of Abnormal and Social Psychology, 67, 371-378.
Schlenker,
B. R. (2003). Self-presentation. In M.R. Leary & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self and identity (pp.492-518).
New York: Guilford.
Snyder,
M. (1987). The self-monitoring of expressive behavior. Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology, 30, 526-537.
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